The Beginning
In 5BC (Before Coronavirus) a few friends from south west London would convene for a game of golf, most often on a Saturday morning. Always an enjoyable occasion, it was tempered by the variable standard of play. They soon realised that their true expertise lay in the ambience of the 19th hole, and they ended up spending more time there than on the course. Mornings, afternoons, evenings; it didn’t matter as one rolled into another. While their golfing colleagues might leave soon after finishing their round, this small group focused on perfecting the art of après-tee.
Unfortunately, their original refreshment of choice – the Pride of London – was of as variable quality at their home venue as their golf, so they sought out alternatives using a technique inadvertently created by the authorities – County Card Lines. But these visits to other establishments failed to deliver anything close to the required hit – either literally or metaphorically.
The Awakening
One of their number devised a solution. Away from the group he had discovered an alternative – a strange potion supplied by his French connection. When he introduced it to his colleagues the effect was immediate. The Claret Assassin (for it was he) changed this once-innocent group of friends into a well-oiled machine. The Claret Club was born, and the rules were clear. Golf was the enabler, and claret was king. In the finest Yakuza tradition, if anybody held back they risked having one of their digits removed – usually from the foot.
Thus started the legendary practice of Fool’s Toeing.
The Present Day
Claret Club remains a small and exclusive group. Artisans are invited to participate in golfing events throughout the year, in the hope that some might start the journey towards membership by becoming Apprentices. Fool’s Toeing is the Claret Club’s method of distinguishing the Pauillac from the vin ordinaire, such that only a few Apprentices ever achieve the junior membership level of Sommelier. Having tasted the delights of Claret Club, most then go on to achieve the senior membership level of Master of Wine.
During the 2020 Lockdown, and in the forced absence of organised Fool’s Toeing, Claret Club moved operations online to WhatsApp and Zoom. Associates of Claret Club – mostly from an affiliated group colloquially known as “Keith’s Saturday Fourballs” – were invited to meet with Claret Club at the Virtual 19th and savour a bottle or two. While enjoyable, this was clearly no substitute for the real thing, and impromptu sessions outside The Spencer pointed to a swift resumption of Fool’s Toeing in Summer 2020. The subsequent limited opening of Claret Club’s HQ provided a semblance of normality, but before long the lockdown returned for 2021. Golf returned at the end of March 2021, and Claret Club started the long journey to recovery.